Need advise about domestic violence

Hi,

I am Sumbla, a 37-year-old Pakistani national who got married to a British national in December 2020. As my marriage progressed, it started with different types of abuse and eventually led to domestic violence. He abuses me while I am in bed with him. He is on pills which makes him stay way longer in bed. Every time we have sex, it is very painful for me as he doesn’t seem to care for my pleasure. Moreover, his taunting way of talking to me is the cause of my unpleasant behaviour with him. He says he will never change at this age, and this is his second marriage. Furthermore, he has two adults who treat me like a mother. They both are dependent on him as they have also applied for an extension for a visa. I don’t want to hurt them as they didn’t do any wrong to me. I have a very strong relationship with them. He brings bread and butter to the house, and I do everything to make sure everything is being provided to the family as a housewife.

I would like to get separated from him and settle myself somewhere in the UK where I can feel open. My spouse's visa is valid until August 2024. I came to know that if I do a case of domestic violence on him, I will be eligible for ILR although I must complete 5 years living in the UK. I would like to know whether my husband can put hurdles in my path to coming to the UK. He tried to snatch my BRP and passport from me while I was travelling to Pakistan to see my parents, but I got them back. I would like to get help from a good lawyer in the UK who can support me with this case of Domestic violence and can help me continue my life working, being independent and supporting myself.

I am extremely worried nowadays and don’t want to get stung, so kindly advise me next.

Look forward to hearing from you soon.

Warm Regards,
Sumbla

You need to speak with the police and social services, they are more able to help. One day he might just beat you senseless or worse as people like him rarely stop if they are left to carry on their behaviour. Sounds like he is already raping you.

Do not bother about the other dependants who rely on him as it sounds to me like they are not suffering the same dangers as you.

Pack your bags and leave now, worry about ILR after you make yourself safe, what would you rather be, dead, or alive and well in Pakistan? Besides, I do not expect that you will be made to leave the UK.

Too many women suffer domestic abuse and do nothing about it, worried about the consequences if they take action against their abuser. Right now, domestic abuse and the way cases are handled is very much in the publics' eye due to failings to take things seriously enough in the past, so you will now get much more attention.

In this case, If i do a domestic violence case on my husband, will my stepsons' visa applications be more likely to be affected as their father will have a criminal offence ?

No.

Hi,

I have some questions regarding the case. As I am thinking of doing a domestic violence case against my husband, his dependant kids who are now over 18 were great and supported me throughout my time with my abusive husband. My stepsons visa applications have been submitted and is with the Home Office for a while now, and I don’t want them to suffer with their visa process and their stay in the UK. They both also feel regretful as this type of behaviour has been done to their biological mother and they didn’t know what their father was doing. They both are willing to support me as they feel this is the right thing to do. They asked me if there is a way to save them along with me if I do a domestic violence case on my husband. I have spent more time having fun, explore new things and enjoy my time with my stepsons as we got along quite well from day one.

We have all the evidence like videos, photographs just me with my stepsons as my husband doesn’t want to have fun with us. He never made a good relationship with anyone except his friends. Their relationship with their father is also hurtful and they feel that they are in control of their own father even being adults. Their father doesn’t let go of them as he knows they can tell others about his abusive behaviour.

With regards to the above description, my question is if I do a domestic violence case along with stating that his own kids don’t want to live with him as he has too much control over them and they feel trapped, will I be able to help my stepsons being granted their visas and living our lives as normal citizens with my ILR as well?

Another thing to ask if I do the case on him with the full support of my stepsons and they being describe their relation with their father, is there a possibility my husband prove himself not guilty and escape this domestic violence and take his sons back to punish them more?

I want to get a legal and descriptive answer on this situation. I am in desperate need for assistance in my scenario and I am happy to answer any of your questions as well.

Warm Regards,
Sumbla

Hi admins,

I am her stepson, and I would like to add to this conversation. I came to the UK as a dependant to my father while I was a 16-year-old in 2018. My father has applied for my ILR back in July 2021 as my visa was about to be expired in Aug 2021. Since then, I have been waiting for my ILR application decision. I have met my stepmother in the end of 2021 and since then she has been an awesome mother and she never tried to make me feel insecure in any way. My father has been the same since he brought me here and he was being fake from the first day.

I am trying to support my stepmom through her case but as my application is taking time and I might feel that I have to apply again due to my father being convicted a domestic violence. My queries are if my stepmom does a domestic violence, fraud and physically harming case on my abusive father, will my ongoing application be affected by this action and if I try to reapply for my new application if the ongoing gets rejected, what visa application I will be granted and are there any high chances of success of my application being successful well?

My stepmom will also state in her case that I am with her and Home Office should grant me my ILR as I haven’t done anything bad to her. I am extremely worried and anxious as I have been waiting for my application forever now.

Please give state below some possibilities that can happen and what are the chances of me being granted ILR.

Many Thanks,
Andy

Domestic violence claims only extend to direct dependents of the individual claimant. Step children would not be considered as their dependent status is derived from their biological parent in this case.

Has the OP reported the domestic violence to the police or any other authorities?

Frontier Mole wrote: ↑

Sat Oct 14, 2023 11:01 am

Domestic violence claims only extend to direct dependents of the individual claimant. Step children would not be considered as their dependent status is derived from their biological parent in this case.

Has the OP reported the domestic violence to the police or any other authorities?

.....including her GP

So if she does a domestic violence case, what will happen to stepson's application?

Hi,

I have spoken to my husband, and he says I can’t travel back to UK without him being with me. Our tickets were booked in advance for 21 October for both, but he recently changed them to 18 October, and he named under himself for both tickets.

My question is If I get a new ticket and I have my BRP with me which is valid, will I be able to come back to the UK without my husband being with me.

I am confused. Please help me.

Warm Regards,
Sumbla

If your are not currently in the U.K. nothing we have stated previously has any value or impact. If your husband considers your marriage is no longer subsisting and states this to the Home Office and you are overseas that will technically terminate your right of entry. Your domestic violence claim can only be made in the U.K. where the abuse has occurred in the U.K. and evidenced to U.K. authorities.

At no point have you stated the abuse has been reported to U.K. authorities, I have to assume you have not done so.

Sumblasultan wrote: ↑

Sat Oct 14, 2023 4:31 pm

Hi,

I have spoken to my husband, and he says I can’t travel back to UK without him being with me. Our tickets were booked in advance for 21 October for both, but he recently changed them to 18 October, and he named under himself for both tickets.

My question is If I get a new ticket and I have my BRP with me which is valid, will I be able to come back to the UK without my husband being with me.

I am confused. Please help me.

Warm Regards,
Sumbla

Can you bring some clarity...you were asked if you have made any report or complaints or records to the UK authorities....can you answer this?

Hi,

I have officially stated myself breaking up with my husband and let Home Office know about this yesterday. I need assistance regarding where and how to I file a case on my husband on domestic violence and ILR as my relationship ended because of domestic abuse.

Background & Reasons for my separation:
The main reasons for our breakup are his involvement in illegal activities, use of illicit substances, deceptive behaviour, and mistreatment of his ex-wife. He manipulated and deserted his former spouse, leaving her in Pakistan after taking her documents and he also hid this from his children as they are innocent. He also hid his second marriage to a British woman.

He sexually and emotionally abuses me all the time. He belittles me and puts me down. He blames me for every argument. He denies that abuse is happening. He makes unreasonable demands for my attention. He also tells me what to wear and who to see. He does not give me enough money to buy essential things. He touches me in a way I do not want to be touched. He makes unwanted sexual demands. He hurt me during sex. He pressured me to have sex.

Additionally, he engaged in substance abuse while holding three concurrent full-time jobs, which violates UK law.

He intimidated and threatened me in the UK to the extent that I refrained from discussing my situation with my GP, fearing for my safety after he abandoned me, similar to his treatment of his ex-wife.

Furthermore, he has connections with law enforcement in Pakistan, leading to harassment of both me and my elderly, unwell father.

During a recent trip to Pakistan to visit my parents, my husband attempted to abandon me by secretly cancelling our return tickets and forcefully trying to confiscate my BRP card and passport. Concerned for my safety, my parents arranged for an early return flight, enabling me to escape this alarming situation. I am currently residing with a supportive family friend who has been my pillar of strength during this challenging time.

I successfully entered the UK few days before my husband’s flight and I am living in another city that is far from my husband’s house.

Moreover, I recently discovered my husband’s undisclosed medical condition, which causes severe tremors while sleeping, preventing me from getting proper rest for months.

Despite his health issues, he has adamantly refused medical help and concealed his medication from me.

Moreover, he concealed his previous marriage from both me and my parents, marrying me before finalizing his divorce. I also have all the proofs like photographs of his medication, his marriage with a British citizen and more.

I require legal support and protection from further harm. Please guide me on the necessary steps to ensure my safety and well-being. I deeply appreciate your attention and assistance.

Warm Regards,
Sumbla

Hi,

I came across an article that stated that I can also apply for funds for three months and that will allow me to live off the benefits and within that three months’ time, I can apply for ILR on the basis of domestic violence.

Please guide me through which option would be better for me as I am the only one to support myself.

Warm Regards,
AnonymousSS

Frontier Mole wrote: ↑

Sat Oct 14, 2023 7:24 pm

At no point have you stated the abuse has been reported to U.K. authorities, I have to assume you have not done so.

I will leave others best placed to advise regarding a benefits claim. However, without documented evidence of reporting the domestic violence to the authorities, G.P, Police or a Women's Domestic Abuse Organisation, any DV ILR application will be extremely weak.

If i report to my GP and Police, would that be enough for a handfull evidence for supporting my application for ILR based on Domestic Violence? I also have his medicine photos and other documents regarding his marriages as well as the ticket cancellation.

Do you have reported evidence of domestic violence immediately after it happened, i.e. when you have bruises or after a huge shouting match, so the neighbours can hear what he is threatening you with?

Reporting him about things that have happened but can't can be proven, might seem to the HO that all you want to do is leave him, but remain in the UK and claim benefit, and the only way to do that is by falsely claiming DV.

Some police evidence of DV is needed, his drugs thing is not relevant, IMHO, others on here may know better. And, if you claim he is already married, then maybe your marriage to him is illegal and so you might just get deported since you should never have been given a spouse visa in the first place.

If his drug use is illegal, maybe report him anonymously to the police and get him locked up?

Wouldn't it be easier and more sensible to return to your home country and live a peaceful life there, find a decent man to settle down with? Fighting the HO is painful and expensive.