Sorry to hear of the difficulties you and your spouse as well as her family are facing. To give you a definitive plan of action requires one to review the initial asylum and immigration applications as well as the appeals lodged and the grounds raised as well as the Home Office refusal decisions and again grounds raised. The applications in question are over a time period which covers three immigration bills - Immigration & Asylum Act 1996, Immigration & Asylum Act 1999 and Nationality & Immigration Act 2002 which would all have to be considered. Refusal of the marriage application appears to be under the NIA 2002. Your wife may not have been illegal but she would have been considered as having no leave at the time of the application for an extension of stay on the basis of marriage. There would also be no appeal where she was not required to leave the UK amongst other grounds.
I echo Chess and advise you to focus on raising Human Rights grounds in both the asylum appeal as well as a separate one for the marriage refusal. I am not sure when your marriage application was refused but I am concerned it may be a bit late in the day to lodge an appeal on HR grounds although your marriage should have been included in the asylum appeal. Things would certainly be in your favour if there were children in the picture not that I am saying you get some
. I am somewhat surprised to hear that the MP has had no joy - when did you engage him/ her. What of your lawyer - is he/she the same person that handled the asylum case. The government did announce a scheme for regularising asylum seekers who had been in the 'still making a decision' limbo last year targetted at those with families and whom the Home Secretary had no realistic chance of removing from the UK - you/ your parents should have been in this group. Perhaps you were deemed an adult and the marriage may have been considered as an avenue for you to either remain or enter the UK. Have you checked with your lawyer on this 'amnesty'?
As I said I would need to see the relevant files and fit them in with your application which is not possible - there may be grounds for appealing in that the applications were refused in error/ not in accordance with the immigration laws. Keep pestering your lawyer and the MP - tell your MP in writing how the impasse is affecting your life. Above all stay positive and hang in there - again I will echo Chess and tell you to stick to an in-country resolution of the matter. If your spouse had been a national of a country in a calmer region of the world I would have suggested as a last resort to get a speedy resolution for her to go and apply for a spouse visa at the British Embassy there. However she has come this far so a little while longer will be worth it.
Congratulations on your marriage and best wishes for the future.
Kayalami