Urgent help needed. ILR (10 years LR) Discretion/appeal

[jed13]

Hi guys, a new member here in need for advice urgently.
I have 11 years of lawful residence in the UK. I have been away from the UK for 1177 days in the last 10 years (according to the HO. I have 2 occasions in which I have been away for more than 6 months: once due to car crash, the other is due to PhD data collection. I applied for ILR(LR) in 20 January 2016 (premium service) and I got a refusal with the right of appeal: PhD data collection was not considered as compelling or compassionate circumstances (no discretion) but the absence related to the car crash was waived. I applied through a lawyer who warned me that they may reject the application on the same day just to kick you out of the country because my visa expires on January 21st (the following day of my appointment). The refusal meant that section 3c is not triggered, and hence my lawyer advised me to apply by post on the 21/01/2017 (the last day of my visa's validity). I did so, and my lawyer is lodging an appeal against the HO decision.
Here's my problem:
Last week my mother in law died, and today I was informed that my father in law was diagnosed with a stage 4 lever caner and he has few months to live according to his doctor. My wife lives most of the time in my country and she needs to be with her father through these sad times. She needs my support and I cannot wait until the appeal hearing as my lawyer told me that it might take 1 year. I need desperately to travel to my country but at the same time I don't want to lose my chances for ILR.
My lawyer told me that if I leave the UK the appeal will be withdrawn automatically, any suggestions?
Suppose that I upgrade my postal application to premium to get my passport as quick as possible, then travel to my country, will I have problems getting a visitor visa when apply from my country (given that I applied twice for ILR)?
Can I add new evidence to my current postal application?
My PhD supervisor provided a strong letter stating that it was indispensable to collect data from abroad and I would not have been able to progress in my research without that. Do you know any similar cases where discretion was applied?
Does applying for ILR a couple of times and lodging an appeal ruin your immigration history for potential visa application?
Thanks for reading and sorry for the length of the message.
Best wishes