Visiting the UK after ban.

[Elinoire]

Hello. Sorry if this isn't the right place, but I can't seem to find where to ask this question.
I am a US citizen aged 28yrs. I was in the UK for just over 3yrs with my boyfriend. I had planned for 5 months and then to return home but my boyfriend became very ill. He was battling depression and severe ocd that left him bed ridden for 3yrs. His life was suddenly more important than mine and all I could think about was him. It's a poor excuse, I know. But we tried to find help for him and we kept being put on waiting lists and refered to other people. He couldn't shower himself, at one point he refused to eat and I ended up having to carry him to the bathroom. When he was well enough I gave myself up and was placed in a detention centre for 1 month.

I explained my situation and that I didn't have anywhere to live if sent back to the US. They told me very bluntly that was my own problem and I payed for my own ticket back. After a few days of being homeless I tracked down my sister and now live with her. I served my ban and a little over a year later I wanted to return to the UK and do things right. Enter, leave, return, build up my credibility and then apply for a visa that would grant us the ability to be married and eventualy apply for a family visa. I asked as many questions as possible using the contact numbers and emails available through the gov.uk website. I even payed for some of these services. I was told there was no problem for me to just book a flight with a return ticket and visit the UK. I was also told by those same people there was no need for a Visa to enter the UK in any cisrcumstance. They told me I needed enough money to support myself and a ticket returning home. when I landed in the UK, I was quickly questioned, then informed I needed a UK visitor Visa and sent back the following day after being detained. I answered all questions as honestly as possible. My boyfriend has the help he requires now, his parents look after him. I have a job, a family and live with them. I was even told by one of these people via a phonecall that I payed for, that I have the same chance as anyone else and even if I had been kidnapped and held against my will in the UK I would still be denied entry.

When I returned I applied for a Vistor Visa. I gave all required information and optional documents such as my boyfriends funds to support me while visiting. I explained that I was not going to travel so soon but my boyfriends mother is having an oporation and her chances of success are very low. The family also wanted me there so they could spread the ashes of a friend of mine who was alive and my origional reason for needing to enter into the UK in the first place as they were dieing and wanted to see them one last time. I explained they are now decseased and I would like to enter to visit my boyfriends mother and be there to spread my friends ashes. After a few weeks they replied back and refused me a visa. I was told in the letter that I meet all requierments but the fact I had overstayed before means they can not be sure I won't overstay again. They told me they understood my boyfriend is better, that his mother is dying, that my friends ashes are wiaiting for me and that I have something to come back to the U.S for but they can't know for sure that I won't just overstay again. In the letter it says I can not appeal and if I make a new application there has to be significant changes in my situation. But I was told in the same later that everything was fine. It sounds as though I will always be declined no matter what information I give them.

So my question is, what do I do? I love my boyfriend of 11yrs. I want to get married eventually, live a life with him and have kids but I don't know what to do now. My boyfriend wants to at least get married and honestly if we can never get married in the UK, he see's no reason not to get married here in the US with me. But is that a wise move? Will this just make it harder to visit him in the UK?