Application and the Police

[Bontboy]

Sorry if this sounds idiotic. I am a registered sex offender and so have to advise the police of any relationships to protect the person concerned and their family.
I have found myself in the early stages of a relationship with a lady from Cameroon who is working in this country. she states that any involvement with the police will affect her renewal which is currently being processed.
As she has done nothing wrong, I don't see why she would be affected, indeed I think her involvements has commitment to protect her family would be a good thing.
I am not going to break the law, so the relationship will not continue if she will not allow me to give her details to the police so that they can check I have revealed everything to her.
Do her reasons and fears sound valid, or is it an excuse to cover something else????

I appreciate my offences will make me unpopular so I will really appreciate any help here.

[Zerubbabel]

I like the fact that you are upfront and not trying to make excuses for yourself.

Many foreign nationals in the UK have some fear from the police. Sometimes it's irrational because they come from countries where you don't want to have anything to do with them. Sometimes they have objective reasons: like they are illegal in the UK (overstayers, illegal entrants...) and don't want anything that attract the attention of the police. They fear that any contact with the police may escalate to an immigration case. Actually it's not true, but many believe it.

Or maybe she is just scarred about your status as a sexual offender.

[Bontboy]

Thanks for your comments, I've known this lady for over a year on and off, I have been totally open with her, if she gave me clear and transparent reasons it would make it so much easier. However, that's not this forums problem!
so what I understand is if this lady is either legal in this country or is making true efforts to become legal then my revealing her existence to the police will not have any actual significant effect on her status?

[THO]

What visa is she here on, you don't say, but you do say she is renewing it now?

But honestly, not being funny, I have to say if I were her, I would also worry that the police will want to check her out and then go to the HO and ask what her status is, since they might see her relationship with you as unusual / a way to try to stay in the country. The HO would then wonder why she is seeing a registered sex offender and maybe think that she is trying to marry someone just to stay.... Perhaps this is her thinking?

How long will it be before the visa is renewed? Can't you wait to make thing official until then and that way them checking her will not cause a problem.

[Bontboy]

THO raises some interesting points.
If I meet her more than very occasionally, the police will know because of phone records etc etc and they will assume (rightly) a relationship. therefore I can not meet her at the moment because I have worked hard to build a trusting relationship with my specified officer and do not intend to deceive him.

As to her motives, I admit to having had concerns along the lines you suggest, although the problem is is that I feel so happy every time I'm with her. As an RSO I have had relationships with other women who have known the full facts and still decided to give me a chance to prove myself. I haven't let them down.

[secret.simon]

Keep in mind that the cultural expectation of the police outside the Western world (now you can probably even exclude the US) is very different to that in the West, especially in the UK.

Outside the West, the police are very feared, with them tending to be seen as social bullies who can and do manipulate situations to put themselves at an advantage. They are nowhere as friendly as the police in the UK or the rest of the West. For instance, in my country of origin, it is nigh on impossible to find witnesses for crimes committed in broad daylight and in the midst of crowds, simply because nobody wants to be listed even as a witness, as even that can cause a lot of trouble with the police.

I would not be one bit surprised if the issue here is simply a psychological fear of the police, not an immigration issue.

It is also not impossible that she may have had a bad experience herself with the police in her country of origin and therefore is mistrustful of the police in general.

[THO]

Secret, that is a very good point regarding police, so much of Asia / Africa is corrupt. I got robbed in one country and did not report it until I got to the airport, as I know the police will arrest me for "making a false claim of theft so I can get a report number to make a fraudulent insurance claim" and you have to pay them a "fine" for which there is no receipt. Living in the UK is not perfect, but it is 1000 times better so many more countries.

Bont, I can see why you do not want to mislead your RSO as that would put you back to square one, and I can tell you wish you had never done whatever you did. Is there any chance you can have a word with the RSO on the quiet and ask him what the consequences of you telling the police. Explain you are asking so you don't do anything wrong, and that it will end with her if she will be in trouble?

You did not say what visa and how long before she gets the extension?

[THO]

Oops I don't mean have a word with your RSO, I mean have a word with your probation officer / case worker.

[Bontboy]

Wow, you guys have been so helpful. A little bit of background, though you might think it's irrelevant.
Met this girl a year ago and saw her a few times but the relationship ended because I could not reveal her details to the police.
Made contact with her again recently and as soon as I met her I instantly felt the same magic.
this second time, we have only seen each other twice and so conversations about what type of visa she is applying for are a little intrusive - IE I have no idea.
she has been in the country with her two children for about 4 years. Does occasional low skilled work caring for the elderly but seems to be mainly supported by her family in the UK. Parents are in Cameroon and so is her abusive husband whom she is trying to divorce. I don't know if that's essay gives you any idea of what type of visa or permit she might be able to apply for.

[THO]

Have you discussed what will happen with the police, i.e. gone to them and told them straight that you want to start a relationship but can't because of her fears, but obviously do not reveal her name? Tell them straight you do not want to do anything wrong, which is why you are asking.

And also have you spoken to your probation officer, he might be able to shed some light on things without needing to make it official, i.e. since this is not yet a relationship yet, just someone you want to have one with if everything is OK for her visa? If what you did involved indecent images, then of course the police will want to speak to her to make sure she is fully aware and that she is perhaps not involved in something untoward concerning her children.

[Bontboy]

The police are aware of this lady but not her details, however, as a result of this thread, I have booked an appointment with my officer for a more in depth chat about consequences (to her) but that's not for a fortnight.
I'll come back and let you know whether his intention is to concentrate on her protection or her status.

[THO]

Yes, please do come back with the result. I think you should ask (if you can) your lady friend what visa she is waiting for, as you might well get asked the same, and potentially this might have a bearing on how much the police ask about her or need to inform the HO of your relationship.

[Bontboy]

I promised I would come back and give you some feedback.
Spoke with my officer who could not give me any reassurances about his lack of interest in her immigration status. However I ultimately did give him her details.
Two very angry phone calls later, that relationship seems to have ended as I've heard no more from her for 2 weeks now.
Interestingly, the officer phoned me at work the following day to see how she had reacted. he couldn't give me any details but the intimation was that he had found her on their records, so perhaps it's best how things worked out.

I hope everybody reading this is keeping in good health and urge you all to stay safe.

[THO]

Thanks for getting back to let us know. I guess you will no longer read this forum now, but if you check back, did you find out what visa she was waiting for, or why she was so worried to be put in the spotlight?

Perhaps time apart will make her miss you, and make contact again, but maybe it was not to be. Hope it works out for you.

THO